This week marked a rare burst of bravery for me, an uncharacteristically impulsive loss of inhibition. What is going on you ask? Let me fill you in.
It all started last weekend in my favorite wine bar. I had been exchanging glances with a super Cute Guy (we’ll call him CG) down the bar from me since I arrived, and finally he approached me. We introduced ourselves, talked, there was some casual touching. He asked what I was doing later that night, and I explained that I had a commitment to go see a friend’s band. We talked a little more, then CG excused himself to look for his friend that had been with him.
I turned and started chatting with the owner who was behind the bar, Didier, a charismatic French-Japanese man that makes this place my favorite wine bar. Suddenly CG reappears, sans friend, and parks himself on the empty stool next to me.
Now here is where I get stupid. Instead of acknowledging CG with a simmering sideways glance or casual lingering touch, I reason that I don’t want to be rude to Didier and so I continue the conversation with him. At this point, though, I’m not even actively listening any more. Instead, every molecule in my body is tingling at the presence of CG next to me, and my wine fogged brain is squealing like a giddy school girl.
So what does CG do when I show no outward reaction to his presence? He walks away of course. Out the front door to be specific. Have I mentioned that I suffer from extreme flirting stupidity? *Le sigh* Then I’m reminded of the time and I have to go to the show I promised to attend. And I leave. And I don’t see CG on the way out. But, I did hear later from friends that he returned after I left.
So now what? Since that encounter I haven’t been able to think of anything else but how cute he was and how stupid I am. After beating myself up for a couple of days, I suddenly remembered that not only did I know his name but he had also told me that he was the dean of a particular department at a particular local college. And by the power of Google, at my fingertips I had his faculty listing, bio, contact info and even a picture. Have I mentioned how cute he is?
As his email address stared out at me from the screen, I debated with myself. Should I or shouldn’t I? He was the one that approached me after all – twice to be precise. But what kind of wacko am I to track him down? I consulted with my single friends at work, and, with their overly enthusiastic encouragement, in a rare display of courage I hit send on my email. As soon as I clicked the button, my stomach dropped, the world spun, I felt bile rise up in my throat. What had I done? I have been unable to sleep and nursing a near constant feeling of nausea since.
For those of you that know me well, you will understand how seriously uncharacteristically impulsive and aggressive this move was for me. A lethal combination of lingering dead daddy issues, an abusive ex-husband, and disappointing dating experiences have left me with a fragile ego and deeply rooted fear of rejection. As a result, I am never the one to make the first move and I am typically very reserved with my actions and feelings when it comes to relationships. 
What is different this time, what has caused me to step outside of my cushy comfort zone, is honestly nothing more than hormones. I find myself very physically attracted to CG, more so than anyone I have met in a very long time. While the tantalizing prospect of steamy, unabandoned sex is alluring, the possibility of rejection also hangs over my head like the sword of Damocles.
And so now I wait. I wait and I hope. It’s been 2 days now and while the nausea is subsiding, the hope is beginning to wane. I think I’ll go back to the wine bar today and see if there’s another cute guy to flirt with.
Recipe of the Week
Savory Goat Cheese and Pear Tart
Ingredients:
  • 2 shallots, peeled and thinly sliced
  • 3 sheets whole wheat phyllo (fillo) dough
  • 4 oz. plain chevre/goat cheese, crumbled
  • 1 medium red d’anjou pear, cored and thinly sliced
  • 1 sprig fresh rosemary, finely chopped
Directions:
Preheat the oven to 375.

Coat a skillet with non-stick olive oil cooking spray and heat on medium heat. Add the shallots and saute until they are caramelized. Remove from heat.

Spray a large baking sheet with non-stick olive oil cooking spray and lay down 1 sheet of the fillo dough. Spray that sheet with the spray and lay the second sheet on top of it, repeat for the third sheet. Sprinkle the entire surface with the goat cheese crumbles. Arrange the pears over the cheese in a single layer. Sprinkle the caramelized shallots over the pears then finally sprinkle with the rosemary. Fold over the ends of the fillo dough if they are hanging off the baking sheet a bit. Bake for 15-20 minutes until the cheese is melted and the dough is browned. Slice into 6 equal pieces and serve immediately.

Serving Size: Makes 6 servings

Nutritional Information: Calories 112.7, Total Fat 4.4g, Cholesterol 16.7mg, Sodium 124.2mg, Total Carbs 13.5g, Dietary Fiber 1.2g, Protein 4.7g
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Colleen Fields is a food enthusiast and healthy lifestyle convert who has married these two interests to create delicious dishes that lead to long term weight loss success. As a single, working mom, Colleen struggled with her weight for years and tried every diet out there without success. When she began her weight loss journey, she realized that her cooking style needed to change. However, Colleen recognized that the only “healthy” cookbooks and television shows available focused on deprivational diets rather than behavioral changes that lead to long term weight loss success. As a result, she began experimenting and creating her own dishes. By eating smarter and moving more, Colleen took back her life and has lost over 100 pounds, going from a size 26W to a size 12, and maintains her weight today. Through her food blog, www.colleens-kitchen.com, and cookbooks Colleen hopes to share her success with others struggling with obesity and demonstrate that a healthy lifestyle is not only obtainable, but it is also sustainable. Follow Colleen on Facebook, Google +, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, and YouTube.

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